Watch How You Treat People

Watch How You Treat People

A reflection on community, character, and the call to be genuinely welcoming.

Last night, I attended a group event that, on the surface, appeared to be a gathering for community, connection, and shared purpose. I went with my daughter, eager to engage and participate. I’m not someone who walks into a room needing approval or affirmation. I know who I am, and more importantly, I know Whose I am. I’ve grown into that identity over time, through pain, healing, and a deep relationship with Christ.

But what I experienced last night caught me off guard.

From the moment I arrived, I could feel it. Glares, side glances, dismissive looks, whispers passed between women who made no effort to conceal their judgment. My daughter and I were the ones they targeted. Not for anything we said or did, but simply for being there. For being ourselves.

Thankfully, I’ve built up the kind of spiritual confidence that keeps me steady in moments like these. I brushed it off externally. I smiled. I held my head high. I engaged where I could and focused on my daughter’s experience, grateful that she didn’t seem to notice the undercurrent. But deep down, I felt a righteous anger rising, not just for myself, but for every woman who walks into spaces like this and feels unwelcome, unseen, unwanted.

I can handle it but not everyone can, and they shouldn’t have to.

The Unspoken Culture of Cliques

It’s something I’ve observed for years, and I’ll say it plainly: women can be cliquey.

They’ll welcome you when you’re new with smiles, small talk, surface-level warmth; but once you’re no longer the “new face,” something shifts. You become familiar, and suddenly, invisible. You’re not pursued. You’re not invited in. The friendliness fades into formality, and before long, you find yourself on the outside looking in, again.

Not all women, of course, but too many.

As someone who values authenticity, depth, and relationship, this kind of social culture has always been hard to understand. I wasn’t raised this way. I was taught to include, to love, to welcome, to treat others the way I’d want to be treated. Maybe that’s why it still hurts when I witness exclusion dressed up as polite indifference.

I’ve spent much of my life gravitating toward those on the fringes - the shy, the hurting, the overlooked. My heart breaks for them. I see them because I am them, or at least, I was. While time and experience have made me wiser and more discerning about who I let into my inner circle, they’ve also made me more compassionate. I know what it feels like to be disregarded, and I refuse to become someone who does that to others.

Real Love Is Intentional

Let me be clear: being kind isn't the same as being nice. Kindness costs something. It requires intention, awareness, and humility. Nice is easy. Nice is surface. Nice shows up for appearances. Kind shows up when no one is looking. Kind notices the one standing alone and walks toward them. Kind opens up, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.

We are not called to be “friendly women” in a superficial sense. We are called to be Christlike, to love as He loves. That means we don’t overlook people because they’re quiet. We don’t withdraw our welcome once someone becomes regular. We don’t treat people as projects or as competition. We treat them as children of God, image-bearers, souls worth knowing, not judging.

Be Careful: People Remember How You Made Them Feel

I’ve been reflecting on this experience and others like it, and I felt prompted to say something, not because I’m angry, though I felt that anger rise, but because I believe change starts with awareness, and I care too much about the body of Christ, about women, about the next generation (my daughter included), to stay silent.

So let this be a gentle but honest reminder to all of us:

• Watch your facial expressions. You may think your internal thoughts are hidden, but your face often says more than your words ever will.

• Watch your tone. You can say the right thing the wrong way and leave a lasting wound.

• Watch your body language. Are you open or closed off? Are you sending signals of welcome or judgment?

• Watch your assumptions. Don’t write people off because they’re different from you, or because they didn’t immediately “click” with you.

• Watch your heart. Ask God to show you any pride, insecurity, or comparison that’s causing you to keep others at a distance.
  
  
  

A Higher Standard

If you call yourself a follower of Christ, your standard for how you treat others should be radically higher than the world’s. The world may elevate cliques, exclusivity, social ladders, and self-protection. But we are citizens of a different Kingdom. In the Kingdom of God, the last are first. The humble are honored. The lost are sought. The lonely are loved. The outsider is brought in.

It grieves me to see so many women who profess Christ yet live as though their comfort matters more than connection, their ego more than empathy. It’s heartbreaking and it’s not who we’re called to be.

I Won’t Quit

I’ll be honest, my first instinct after last night was to retreat again. To pull back, isolate, and write off the whole group dynamic. It’s a pattern I know well. I’ve walked away from communities before, not out of weakness but out of weariness.

But I won’t quit. Not this time. Because the mission is greater than the hurt.

I’ve been called to be a bridge, to love with my whole heart, to seek out the one sitting alone at the table. So if it means I continue to be misunderstood, overlooked, or even gossiped about, so be it. I will still love.

I am an overcomer in Christ and I will continue to be a light, even when the room grows dim.

Let’s Do Better

To every woman reading this: let’s check our hearts.
Let’s stop playing social games that hurt people and grieve the heart of God.
Let’s choose depth over performance. Kindness over appearances. Love over judgment.
Let’s be the ones who create safe spaces where people feel seen, valued, and welcomed.

People may forget your name. They may forget what you wore, what you said, or what you brought to the table, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Let’s make them feel loved.

With grace, coffee & leggings,
☕ZQueenBee

8/12/2025